Desperate Introduction: “I Can’t Be a Mother Today”
Throughout the introduction of the book Desperate: Hope for the Mom Who Needs to Breathe, Sarah Mae poured out her heart to the reader. I could relate to almost everything she wrote. I didn’t expect to take so many notes just from the introduction. There are three specific quotes I would like to share with you today.
“Depression snuck up on me; there was a shell of a woman where I once was. My ideals, my hopes, my joy, were snatched away before I had the chance to notice. Pleas for help aimed at heaven seemed to be met with silence. The message was clear: this was my life, and I needed to just deal with it.”
I felt like she was writing out my story. This is EXACTLY how I felt. I didn’t know who I was anymore. In a single moment, my identity completely changed.
“Adjusting didn’t go well. Anger and resentment were living just under my skin. Exhausted, out of my mind, and still hormonal, every day felt like a fight. Feelings of desperation were like an ever present shadow over the good in my life. Experiencing hope in Jesus felt like chasing gold at the end of a rainbow… getting to it was always out of reach. Motherhood was something I planned for, something I wanted, so why was living it out so drastically different from my expectations?”
Again, was she reading my mind? No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t see the good past all of the bad. I felt like the darkness was closing in on me and I couldn’t find an escape. I have always wanted to be a mom, I had looked forward to it my whole life. Why wasn’t it going the way I had expected – the way other mom’s proclaimed it to be?
“The lifetime commitment that is motherhood will, many days, stretch you beyond what you think you can handle.”
Can I get an AMEN?!?! I never thought I could handle some of the things I have gone through in the last several months. I am so much stronger than I ever knew I could be. God has been there for me through all of it. He never let go of me and he never left my side.
If you missed last week’s post about the forward from Desperate, you can find it here.